Arkansas, depression, health, Life, marriage, Mental Health


I’m going to be super honest and vulnerable for a minute here. Which is so unlike me. But I’ve been struggling pretty bad lately. And I’m hiding it. I’ve learned how to do that pretty well.

I have been suffering from some severe depression lately. I get so caught up in my thoughts and feelings. It’s almost debilitating.

You see, I did something horrible to my husband. I’m not going to go into detail, but I haven’t been the best wife. My lack of communication of how I feel made things worse. We both made major faults in our marriage. But mine were worse. And it almost ended. It’s true what they say, you don’t realize what you have till you’re about to lose it. You think you want something and then when it starts to happen, you realize you made a mistake. I almost lost my marriage and my family. And I hurt my husband whom I love so much.

In this process, I also lost my best friend of 23 years. She thinks I’m a horrible person. And I guess I am. But all I can do is learn from my mistakes and apologize. Which I have and am. But I do miss her. She understood me better than anyone.

But lately my depression has been really bad. There are times when I think that everyone would be better off if I was just gone. That I’m such a horrible person that I don’t deserve to have anything or anyone. I haven’t brought any kind of happiness to anyone. Just hurt. And before y’all freak out, no I’m not going to hurt myself.

I was seeing a counselor for awhile. I’m not sure how much that helped. I was diagnosed with ADHD and PTSD. However I don’t go anymore as I don’t have insurance since I quit my job to open my own business. But on days I saw her, I felt worse. I guess you are supposed to work through everything and then you’ll feel better. I hadn’t got to that point yet. I am seen at the VA now and they want me to see mental health to work through the PTSD. I don’t know. Maybe one day.

I don’t know the point of this post. I guess I’m just talking. But from here on out, I’m going to be better. A better person, a better wife, a better mom, and a better friend.

Arkansas, family

Mid-Life What???

I was talking over text with a friend, and I mentioned how I’ll be 40 next year. After we finished chatting I sat and thought about that. How is this possible? 40.

I literally feel like I just graduated High School. But that was 20 years ago. I don’t feel 40.

Then I was reading over notes from my doctor following a procedure I had done in October. He states in it, that per some tests I am entering menopause. This has me shook.

I remember when my husband and I started dating, it felt so good knowing that he was in his 30’s and I was in my 20’s. I was the cute young girlfriend. Now he’s about to be 50 and me 40. I’m no longer that cute super young girlfriend. Now I’m an old mom.

I know that age is just a number. And you are only as old as you feel. But still, hearing all of this is crazy. No wonder people have mid-life crisis.

Me and the husband when we first started dating. He was 32. I had just turned 22.

This is us now. He’s 49, I’m 39 with our two daughters who are 10 and 5.

Arkansas, Coffee, family, health, kids, Life, School

15 Minutes

My favorite time of the morning. The 15 minutes before my kids wake up. I can sit with my cup of coffee and just be in the quiet of my home. The quiet before the storm.

Once 6am comes, the storm starts. That’s when I am trying to get my kids out of bed and ready for school. So we can leave the house by 6:40am to catch the school bus.

In this 15 minutes, I will sip on my coffee and rock in my rocking chair. I will enjoy the peace and quiet because it’s the only time I get to myself.

What do you do with your 15 minutes?

adventure, Arkansas, wanderlust

49 years young

On Sunday we celebrated my husbands 49th Birthday. I cannot believe he is almost 50. And I’m almost 40. Where has the time gone?

The day started with breakfast of pancakes and eggs. Then he opened his gifts. A record player and 3 records to get his collection going.

We then took him to lunch at The Crescent Hotel, which is the one of the most haunted hotels per the tv show, Ghost Hunters. We ate their award winning BBQ Chicken Pizza. It was amazing.

We explored Eureka Springs and ended the day at the Bavarian Inn, which is a German restaurant. We met his parents there for birthday dinner.

It was a great day. Probably one of the best birthdays in awhile. This has been a tough year for us. So I’m glad this birthday turned out great for him.

Arkansas, DadLife, daughters, family, Friends, Friendship, kids, MomLife, School

School Starting Soon

School starts next week. Where has the time gone? I can’t believe summer vacation is over. And now my youngest is starting school. She is going to Kindergarten. While I’m happy and excited for her new journey, I’m also saddened by the fact that I really have no more babies.

My youngest said, “mom, what if no one likes me?” I reassured her that won’t happen because she is the sweetest little girl ever and everyone will love her. She then said she doesn’t want to go to school because daddy will be home alone and miss her too much. I reassured her that daddy will be fine. He has lots of work to keep him busy till it’s time to pick her and her sister up at the bus stop.

I know she’s scared. She’s been home with daddy for so long and now she has to leave him for 8 plus hours a day. But I know she will be fine. She’s going to love school.

food, Recipes

Korean Beef Yum Yum Bowls

I decided to give this dish to try last night. It’s a little bit harder than I thought. I even had to poach an egg, which I have never done before.

This recipe comes from This website has become my absolute favorite website to get recipes from.


1 lb top sirloin steak

1/2 cup soy sauce

1/4 cup unseasoned natural rice vinegar

1/4 cup packed brown sugar

1 tablespoon toasted sesame oil

1 tablespoon grated fresh gingerroot

3 cloves garlic, finely chopped

1/2 teaspoon crushed red pepper flakes

1/3 cup mayonnaise

2 tablespoons Sriracha sauce

2 teaspoons honey

1 tablespoon vegetable oil

3 cups small broccoli florets

4 eggs

3 cups cooked short-grain white rice (sushi rice)

2/3 cup kimchi, roughly chopped


1 Wrap beef in plastic wrap or butcher paper, and place in freezer 30 minutes to firm up. Cut beef across the grain into thin slices, about 1/8 inch thick.

2 In large bowl, mix soy sauce, vinegar, brown sugar, sesame oil, gingerroot, garlic and red pepper flakes. Measure 2/3 cup of the soy mixture, and set aside. Add beef to remaining soy mixture in large bowl, and toss to coat. Cover and refrigerate to marinate at least 30 minutes but no longer than 2 hours.

3 Meanwhile, in small bowl, mix mayonnaise, Sriracha sauce and honey. Cover and refrigerate until ready to use.

4 Add reserved 2/3 cup soy sauce mixture to 2-quart saucepan. Heat to boiling over medium-high heat. Boil 3 to 5 minutes or until sauce is reduced to 1/4 cup and slightly thickened. Remove from heat; set aside.

5 In 12-inch nonstick skillet, heat vegetable oil over medium-high heat until hot. Use slotted spoon to remove beef from soy mixture. Discard remaining soy mixture leftover from the beef. Cook 2 to 3 minutes, turning once, until just starting to turn pink. With slotted spoon, transfer beef to the saucepan with the reduced sauce, and toss to coat. Do not clean skillet.

6 Heat skillet over medium-high heat. Add broccoli; cook 2 to 4 minutes, stirring constantly, until just tender. Remove from heat.

7 In 10-inch skillet, heat 1/2 to 1 inch of water to boiling. When water comes to a rolling boil, reduce heat until water is just simmering (bubbles rise slowly and break just below the surface).

8 Break egg into custard cup, small bowl or saucer. Hold custard cup close to water’s surface, and carefully slip egg into water. Repeat with remaining eggs.

9 Cook eggs 3 to 5 minutes or until whites and yolks are firm and not runny. Carefully remove eggs with a slotted spoon.

10 Divide rice among 4 serving bowls; top with beef, kimchi, broccoli, poached egg and reserved mayonnaise mixture.

food, Recipes

Cowboy Skillet Breakfast

This morning I decided to make a cowboy skillet for my family for breakfast. I’d never made one before and it came out great. Quite delicious.


-Vegetable Oil

-1lb frozen hash browns

-5 eggs




1. Heat up 1/3 cup of vegetable oil on med/high.

2. Place a layer of has brown in the oil. Cook 8 mins till brown.

3. Flip hash browns and make 5 holes.

4. Crack an egg in each hole. Season the eggs with salt and pepper. As well as the hash browns.

5. Cover, turn to low and cook 8-10mins till eggs are cook.

6. Serve.