Arkansas, family

Mid-Life What???

I was talking over text with a friend, and I mentioned how I’ll be 40 next year. After we finished chatting I sat and thought about that. How is this possible? 40.

I literally feel like I just graduated High School. But that was 20 years ago. I don’t feel 40.

Then I was reading over notes from my doctor following a procedure I had done in October. He states in it, that per some tests I am entering menopause. This has me shook.

I remember when my husband and I started dating, it felt so good knowing that he was in his 30’s and I was in my 20’s. I was the cute young girlfriend. Now he’s about to be 50 and me 40. I’m no longer that cute super young girlfriend. Now I’m an old mom.

I know that age is just a number. And you are only as old as you feel. But still, hearing all of this is crazy. No wonder people have mid-life crisis.

Me and the husband when we first started dating. He was 32. I had just turned 22.

This is us now. He’s 49, I’m 39 with our two daughters who are 10 and 5.

adventure, Arkansas, DadLife, daughters, family, food, Home, Joy, kids, Life, love, marriage, MomLife, parenting, wanderlust

Heading to the Square

Today after dinner, we decided to take our girls to the downtown square to walk around, enjoy the weather and eat some ice cream.

We made a stop in a new chocolate store here called KYYA Chocolate. The girls tried milk chocolate mixed with marshmallow and myself and dad tried champagne infused chocolate. It was different. Not sweet. Kind of bitter but not in a bad way. I know that’s a weird way to describe it.

Next we went to the Spark Cafe Soda Fountain. The girls each got a milk shake and dad and I shared a cone of mint chip. We enjoyed our treat while walking around the square. We even found an awesome record store called Block St. Records. And of course, they mainly sold only records. I was sad they were closed because looking in the window, they had some awesome ones like Type O Negative, Iron Maiden, and Motley Crüe. We will definitely have to go back when they are open.

So all in all it was a great evening. The girls kept saying what a fun evening this was.

divorce, family, Life, love, marriage, Seperation

Falling back in love

Do you think it’s possible after having a tumultuous relationship, that you can fall back in love with your spouse?

My answer, absolutely. And how do I know this? Because it’s happening to me. My husband and I separated in February and were on the verge of divorce. I’m not going to get into the full details of it yet. But it got to the point in our relationship where I didn’t feel any love at all. And he felt the same way. We were like two roommates raising two kids together. There was no I love you, no hugs, no kisses, no romance, nothing. It got to the point where I didn’t think he loved me anymore. I didn’t even think he liked me anymore. And we had become so resentful of one another.

Once I told him I wanted to divorce, things begin to change. It was as if the lights went off for him. He slowly started to become the man I had longed for in the 17 years that we’ve been together. But I’ll admit that for the first two months of our separation, the light didn’t go off for me. Because I didn’t want it to. I was still holding onto so much anger and hurt that I just wanted it to be over. I was telling myself that I wasn’t in love with him anymore and that we just needed to go our separate ways.

Then one day at the end of April after having a wonderful Mother’s Day and actually having fun with him and our children together, I slowly begin to see him in another light. He had told me that our separation had opened his eyes. He had been purposely hurting me because he had been hurt. It was a never ending circle. But by almost losing everything, it makes you realize what you have.

I slowly began to let my feelings for him resurface again. And bit by bit I slowly began to fall in love with him again. So now here we are in July and I can absolutely say that I am in love with my husband again. Our relationship is completely different than it ever has been in our 17 years together. And I can honestly say that I am happier than I ever have been. And now when people ask him how he and I are doing, I hear him tell them that we are doing wonderfully and that our relationship is better than ever. We hug and kiss everyday. We laugh together and hold hands. And we never leave each other without saying I love you.

So yes, it is possible to fall in love with your husband or wife all over again. Because I’m speaking from experience.

Arkansas, DadLife, daughters, family, health, Life, marriage, MomLife, Social Media

Put down your phone

I never realized how much life I was missing by being on social media. It became an obsession. I had to check who was commenting on or likening my pictures. I had to post a new selfie each day. I had to read and see how great everyone’s lives were compared to mine.

So I was always sitting there with my head in my phone. If someone wanted to talk to me, I would pretend to listen while I scanned my social media. I lost out on watching so much of what my kids were doing because my nose was always in my phone.

Social media has made this world more narcissistic. And it’s dumbing us down as a society. Where people once read the newspaper to get their news , now just skim for it on Twitter. I, myself made the decision to leave all social media behind. I was tired of feeling like I was tied to my phone all the time. And before you say anything, yes I do have this blog. However, the blog post that I post, are written when my children are not around. I either write them after they’ve gone to bed, or early in the morning when I’m waiting to go into work. Or even on my lunch break. I try to leave my phone down as much as possible when I’m with my kids.

I never paid much attention to it until I got rid of my social media. Now I watch all these parents with their noses in their phone and not paying one bit of attention to their children. And I don’t ever want to be like that again. Your kids are only little once, enjoy them.

celebrity, entertainment, Pop Culture, TV

The Hills

I was never a The Hills watcher the first time around. Because I couldn’t relate to them. They were fairly close to my age. But they were a bunch of rich kids living and partying in LA. That wasn’t my life. And all they did was gossip and make bad choices. They all seemed like spoiled, narcissistic kids.

So now it is been 9 years and The Hills is back. So I’m giving it a try. Only because I have come to like Spencer and Heidi Pratt.

They aren’t the disgusting people they portrayed on The Hills. They were always upfront and how they were kids coming into a ton of money and how they were stupid with it and lost it.

They moved away from LA for awhile. Spencer got his degree and they had a child. They are both very into crystals and Spencer has made an incredible career with his crystals. I’ve talked to him a few times on Social media, and he’s actually a very kind person. So I know that if I see anything bad from them on this reboot of The Hills, it’s just for the show. Because they are actually really good people.

One thing I understand about Heidi is her anxiety with Motherhood. You feel so connected and responsible for this little person, that you can’t imagine leaving them with anyone. Even their dad. You want to be with your child every moment of every day and it’s hard for you to step away from that. I completely understand that. But she needs to learn to find away to separate herself from that. Not to lose herself completely in motherhood and remember everyone else around her. She’s not just a mom, she’s a wife, sister, and friend. I hope she learns to fight through that anxiety.

So far this new season has been good. A lot of them have grown and changed and a few of them are moms. Like Heidi, Audrina, and Whitney. So I feel like I can relate a little more. I know to watch a show, you don’t have to relate to the characters, but in this regard, I do. I just don’t have the kind of money they all do. So I think I’ll give this a try. Let’s see how scripted this is compared to last time. Maybe I’ll have to watch the first four years so I can understand this one more.

adventure, Arkansas, family, Life

Adventure

So after my breakdown, we decided to still go out. The drive was beautiful. We drove to Eureka Springs and then down to Hobbs State Park.

I still can’t get over the beauty of Northwest Arkansas. So green and lush. So beautiful. So we stopped at the visitor center and looked around.

Daddy was getting us gas.

There he is.

Trying out the rocking chairs in front of the visitor center.

Sporting California

Sloane checking out the snake

This giant bat even scared me.

Such a cute bear.

These trees remind me of the Mystery Spot in Santa Cruz, CA. Both trees were bent the same.

So even though our morning was absolutely horrible. The evening ended up much better.

DadLife, MomLife, parenting

Break Down

So I had a break down Saturday morning. I had planned a nice day for my family before the storms rolled in. We were gonna go for a nice drive to Hobbs State Park and stop at the visitors center which has a little area to look at animals and learn about nature. Then go for a nice hike.

But then my oldest had to start in. She’s 9 going on 19. So her and I don’t always see eye to eye. She has a knack for not listening and talking back. And well…she pushed me to my limit Saturday.

I went in my room, locked the door and cried. And I mean cried. Like that real hard ugly face cry where you have tears streaming down your face and your nose is running all over the place. It was not a pretty site. I definitely didn’t want my husband seeing me like that.

But in the end, she and I talked and I explained things to her. I’m her parent. And what I say goes. And the same with her dad.

Sometimes in motherhood, you just need to step away and cry it out. Don’t be ashamed of that. Being a parent is hard. It doesn’t mean you love your kids any less. You just need a moment for yourself.